No wai! We’re gonna be on the radio!
Dear Perth Readers,
Apparently some folks over at ABC Perth like our blog (and I’m a bit of a fan of the ABC myself. Go public broadcasting!)! So, they’ve invited me to be a guest their afternoon show to talk about some super serious important business: tuna cupcakes and other weird and crazy food. So tune in to 720AM around 2:40 this afternoon.
Extra bonus, it’s a call in show (this should be fun!)
Love,
Kate
Kit Kat Tourism: Chocolate Overload(!)
Chocolate Overload. What can I say? What can you possibly say about a chocolate bar that has entitled itself thus? There isn’t really any wiggle room here. There isn’t space for technicalities or loopholes. The verdict has been passed and there will be no appeal. Chocolate Overload is full of chocolate. It is overloaded with chocolate. If there were more chocolate, it would achieve some sort of transcendent status, some sort of meta-chocolate state, where chocolate itself actually ceases to have meaning. Did I mention it has chocolate?
Do you like chocolate? If you are reading a review about a Kit Kat I suspect that you do. Would you like to eat chocolate? Again I feel can safely answer yes. Would you like to eat highly condensed chocolate, with varying textures—layers of different sorts of chocolate, but ultimately just basically a whole fuckload of chocolate? What I’m basically trying to say is that writing a review about the Chocolate Overload Kit Kat is like writing a review about Jesus. Either you feel it or you don’t. If you follow a different sort of faith—say, you believe that the messiah is embodied by strawberry, or caramel—there is simply not anything for you here.
This is good, actually, because it leaves me a bit of room to call Nestle out on their whole Kit Kat agenda. Last time I wrote jokingly about dubious Kit Kat flavours, but as it turns out I was not far off from the truth. Research has revealed varieties that are not merely amusing, but will actually make you question your reality: Rock salt? Beans? Corn?
You might think that Nestle has a truly disturbing corporate culture if it things these are roads worth going down: a pit of imbred insanity, sisters marrying each other and adopting a baked potato to raise as a child, etc. But the real punchline is that all these esoteric flavours taste exactly the same. There is a joke, here, and the joke is on all of us—we, who believed in the multifarious possibilities of an unbridled palette. Somewhere, a supercomputer robot designed to crush dreams is sitting in a corner office and laughing maniacally.
Yes, I am calling you out Nestle. The time has come to answer for your crimes. Bonbons at dawn.
Lobster: The poor man’s chicken
As of yesterday, fishermen off the southwest coast of Nova Scotia (where lobster is currently in season) were getting $2.25 CAN per pound. That’s insanely cheap… and worrisome to many a fisher out there. Know who it doesn’t really worry? Me. For me, it just means lots of potential for delicious lobster.
Now, it’s not as cheap in Toronto (note: speculation. I’m too lazy to go to a grocery store with a lobster tank.), but that doesn’t mean we can’t benefit from the cheaper-than-chicken status of lobster (note #2: the weight of lobster includes like… the whole thing, not just the meat you’re going to eat. So you have to factor in all the other junk… but again, too lazy to know what kind of ratio we’re talking there.) So what should you do with this delicious lobster?
Read more
Extreme Food Dating: Outback Jack’s
My five odd years of vegetarianism, which promptly ended when I moved from cosmopolitan central Canada to suburban western Australia, has unfortunately left me rather meat obsessed. Especially steak, which I never liked before. My food eroticist friend Matt told me that there was this steak place in Fremantle called Outback Jack’s where if you ate a kilo of steak ass, I mean rump, they’d give it to you for half price, and an XXXL tshirt to prove it. This seemed like a stupid deal - if you’re going to do something that’s gonna make you constipated for days and sweat meat you should probably be able to do it for free. But then I realised this was the best date idea ever. Obviously. What could be hotter than stuffing meat into your face until you feel like barfing? Plus, the jingle that autoplays when you go to their website (always a good sign) had very Australian men telling me that their steak would melt in my mouth. Take a listen, it’s pretty convincing.
My Date, who somehow remained unfazed when I told him that the evening’s activity was competitive eating, came to pick me up to drive down to Fremantle. Read more
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